"...And with your dying breath, you will bear witness to the End of Diets, er, um, Days."

Well, it's over.

31 days was good enough for me...

The bottle is empty, I've taken my last red pill...

As I stare at the mirror, I see that same familar face staring back at me and I think of a few more movie quotes...

Kirk:"David what when Wrong?"
David:"I went Wrong, Sir...Just don't give in to them Admiral, TRIMSPA DOESN'T WORK!...I can't believe they'd kill us for it."

You know, I know this Peanut Butter Sandwich doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After Thirty-One days, you know what I realize?
[Takes a bite...and sighs]
Ignorance IS bliss.

You have no ideal how good a sandwich felt after a month of...suffering.

I don't know WHY I'm doing this, why am I trying to change who I am? So I can fit in better in society? SO I can feel better about myself?

If I was 50 pounds lighter would I REALLY feel better about myself?

The answer of course is no.

Big or Skinny, I would still have problems to deal with.

I would have the problem of finding that right person, and not worrying if she's every going to cheat on me or break my heart...

I'm still going to have the headaches of keeping a stable job, free of the politics of the past...

I'm still going to have to struggle to get this TV Show off the ground whether I'm big or skinny, it doesn't matter.

THIS thing about weight loss, it's just an illusion, smoke and mirrors, just some David Blain/Chris Angel bullshit to make you believe...

The only way to achieve weight loss is by hard, back-breaking exercise, that's it end of story.

This is who I am, I only need to worry about not getting any bigger...

So ends another failled mission in my life...I'm like 0-12 when it comes to New Year's Resolutions

Why did I even bother...

"Stolen, and to be passed on..."

Okay, this one's for my "Rogue's Gallery" of regulars (Kimmyk, Fire5, LLF, Irene, Red...)

Feel free to pass it along sometime....

Appearance...

HEIGHT: 5 ft 10
HAIR COLOR: Black
SKIN COLOR: Mocha
EYE COLOR: Dark (Piercing!)
PIERCINGS: Nada.
TATTOOS: Eagles NFL Champions 200? (I can dream, can't I?)

Right Now...

WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Black Slacks
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: "Human Beings" by Seal
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: Potatoes
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: Cloudy and Cool.

Do You...

GET MOTION SICKNESS?: No, but I do suffer slight Panic Attacks in cars.
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Um, does not having a life count?
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Ehhh...
LIKE TO DRIVE?: No.

What's Your Favorite...

TV SHOW: LOST, CSI, House...oh, hell ya know the rest!
CONDITIONER: Ummm, Air?...Oh you mean hair!
BOOK: "Devil in a Blue Dress" by Walter Mosley
MAGAZINE: EW (Entertainment Weekly to those playing the home game!), KING, XXL, FHM, Score!
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Grape/Lemonade Kool-Aide
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: N/A (Ya'll know why...)
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: SLEEP!
BAND OR GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: Oh, where to begin...Moby, Bjork, Dave Brubeck, Wu-Tang Clan, A Tribe Called Quest, yadda yadda yadda...

Have You?....

BROKEN THE LAW: Downloading...No SERIOUS LAWS!
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: Tried once when I was Six...They found me.
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: I Sneak NOWHERE! I just don't tell people where I go, OR I lie.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: Hell NO!
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: No, but I've been rude to callers in the past.
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: Huh?...Um, NO, sorry.
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: No, but damnit if they've used MINE!!!
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: Only to avoid "Freshman Friday"...other than that, Perfect Attendence!
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: Wouldn't I drown?, um No, and No...
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: I've been typecasted as a Shark for "West Side Story" due to my skin color, was a gangster in "Guys and Dolls" once, also I was a Field Mouse in a Dance performance (As opposed to a play...)
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Sure, they'd do it for me...

Love...

BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: Ya'll know the stories, I looking for the next "Ex-Grilfriend"...
CHILDREN: No.
BEEN IN LOVE?: Hell Yes.
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: Fuck yes (Voice Cracks).
BEEN HURT?: Are you freakin' KIDDIN me?!?!?
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: Letting her get in that car...

Random...

DO YOU HAVE A JOB: Yep
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: LOL @ CD Player...haven't had one of those in about 4 years!
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: Teal (Eagles, baby!!!)
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: I wish I FUCKING knew...
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: *sighs*, C'mon man, there can only be one...
THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GOING TO BUY?: Heh, heh, @ "BUY"...last year I only brought 4 CD's Legally...Seriously...next one I'll cop will be The Fugees reunion album...If it ever comes out!
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: At the rate I'm goin...the peeps that do this after me (SO ya better do it damn it!!!)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: (evil grin) The Obvious!, as well as write, read, look at TV, surf, and think of romantic things I'd do IF I had a girlfriend...

Last...

PERSON YOU KISSED: A close friend.
TIME YOU CRIED?: A little b4 X-mas when I argued with Psycho-sis.
TIME YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: Got a letter from my Auntee two weeks ago.
THING YOU PURCHASED: It's a suprise (To revealed on the Re-Launch!)
PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: American Idol
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: Harry Potter 4

Your Thoughts On...

ABORTION: Not every woman can be responsible enough to raise a child! My sister is living proof of this...
TEENAGE SMOKING: It's their life, it's their lungs, you wanna stop smoking? Go see "The Insider".
DREAMS: The TV Show, the next one, the autobiography, Going to Africa and being called "Brother."

K, ya'll You're UP!

"Catching up with some ol' movies"

The last (Complete) movie (Not counting Halves of "BloodRayne" and "Sryiana") I saw was "Aeon Flux" back in the beginning of December so I wanted to check out something else with no problems...Friday night I saw "The Matador". It was funny seeing "Mr. Charming" Pierce Bronsan play a complete asshole. The movie did drag a bit and I missed a little bit of the ending by nodding off.

Saturday me and mom finally saw the latest "Harry Potter" movie. It was good like all the rest, but like the last two this one was pretty intense for small kids...kinda sad at the end, too...sheesh!

Today while cleaning up, I finally looked at my DVD copy of "Two for the Money". This movie kicked ass, but it reminded me a bit much of "Boiler Room", Pacino and McConaughey were almost as good together as Pacino and Keanu in "Devil's Advocate".

Other than that, things are cool...I gotta suprise in store for the relaunch in the middle of this week...

Stay tuned cats and kittens!

"And now a return appearence of....Bridget Banks!!!"

Face it, Fire's got me beat already in the nekkid chicks pic department, but that don't mean I can post a a few pics of my own...



"The goddess..." Those eyes, man...sweet Jesus on Earth, those eyes are enchanting!



"Hommina, Hommina, Hommina...."

I found a new link with some more pics here

I'm still working on my blog for the re-launch next week...This weekend promises to be a bit crazy, but what else is new? Sorry for keeping you guys in the dark for a bit, I promise to explain everything when I come back, 'kay? PEACE!!!

"My Perfect Mate (Tag, I'm It!)"

Was named to fill this out from Kimmyk (Sorry I can think of a pic to go with my list, but here goes...)

Target of My Perfect Partner: female

All right, for the 8 good-to-have points:

1.) TIME, must have time for each other, I cannot stress that enough.
2.) Red Hair (Picky ain't I?).
3.) Working. (I'm not cheap, but I'm not a sugar daddy, either!)
4.) Understanding. (Realize that we all have some emotional baggages)
5.) The elevator's gotta go to the top floor (Mental stability, intellegence, etc...)
6.) Open to new ideas in the bedroom.
7.) Pigtails (As immature as it sounds, it drives me wild!)
8.) A common interest and taste in movies. (If your favorite movie of all time is "You got Served"...we're in trouble!)

See, I'm not asking for much!

I can't think of 8 peeps to do this that haven't already been tagged so...in the word of the infamous Humpty Hump....DO What'cha like!

"UPN + WB = Bye, Bye Black Shows!"

Wow, I might as well just BURN my treatment and my scripts for my TV show right now. UPN 9 and the WB Channel 11 are merging to become one network called "CW". So two networks with a whole lot of shows have to be condensed into one...take a WILD guess which shows are on the chopping block!

In the beginning, the WB was our spark of hope from the "Color Bias Station"(CBS), No Black-shows Channel (NBC), and of course, the "Anti Black Channel" (ABC). True we had some help from FOX, but their standards became so low they even gave a TV show to Chris Elliot (But I kinda did like "Get a Life!").

Hope filled our eyes with shows like "The Parent 'Hood", "The Wayans Brothers" and "The Jamie Foxx Show". But soon, the "Felcity's", "Jack and Jill's", "7th Heaven's" and even the "Zoe, Duncan, Jack and Jane's" came around and the WB became the "White Boys" Network.

Then, came UPN (Which stills stands for U Picka Negro!) and we had SOME sort of hope for black entertainment.

But now with this merger the party's over all once again...the decisions are gonna be so obvious...

Hello "WWE Smackdown"...Good Bye monday lineup of declining but promising black shows (I mean "Girlfriends" is on it's LAST leg!)

Hello "Smallville" and "Supernatural"...Good bye "Eve", "Cuts", and "All of Us".

I see only 3 shows being saved from the ax..."Everyone hates Chris", "Veronica Mars", and "Next Top Model"...everything else on UPN...vios con dios...

Damn, what a shame...what is the world of TV coming to?

Sooner or later, FOX'll probably bow out (American Idol can only do so much...), as well as "CW", I really can't see NBC keeping with with it's weak new offerings and dying classic shows (Shouldn't they cancel "ER" by now?), and it'll be CBS and ABC fighting for viewer's attention. CBS will have all the good reality TV (Survivor, Amazing Race, etc...) and ABC will have decient dramas you can't help but to look at ("Desprate Housewives", "LOST", any other David E. Kelly or Steven Bochco offerings) and black TV shows will go the way of the dinosaur. Settling for Cable, with a limited audience, never getting any self repect till the end of time. Kinda bleak, ain't it?

I really can't see a TV show as unique and diverse as mine on the big 3 and unless another new network tries to step in the arena again...I don't have a chance of being the next David E. Kelly or Dick Wolf.

Come september 2006, it's the end of an era, baby!

"And now it's time for another...*THUD*...Useless Fact"

In light of all the crazy shit that's gone on the last48 hours, I've decided to just spit some stuff off the top of my head.

This was inspired by a post FIRE5 did a while back...

* It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times.
* If a man is wearing a striped suit, you cannot throw a knife at him
in Natoma, Kansas.
* In the state of Maryland it's illegal to play "Short People" by Randy Newman on the Radio
* In Hartford, Connecticut, it was once illegal to kiss your wife on Sunday.
* it's was once illegal to buy ice cream after 6 PM in Newark, New Jersey, unless you had a Doctor's Note.
* In 1659, Massachusetts made Christmas illegal. (Naturally, the law was later repealed)
* In Tennessee it is illegal to use Lassos to catch a fish.
* The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
* In Texas, it's also illegal to milk another person's cow.
* In New York, the penalty for jumping off a building is death.
* In Florida, when having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
* In other sexual laws, both Anal and Oral intercourse is banned in Cincinnati, Ohio.
* Keeping in Ohio, No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July.
* Also in Florida a women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
* In California, sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
* In Boston, Massachusetts it is illegal to play the fiddle.
* Also in Boston, A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.
* In Alaska It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
* In Arizona you may not have more than two dildos in a house.
* In Tucson, Arizona women may not wear pants.
* In Oklahoma it is illegal to have sex before you are married.
* In Europe (especially Hungary) the song "Gloomy Sunday" has been known to be the source of thousands of sucides and is banned from radio play or live performances.
* On the TV show "Star Trek:The Next Generation" DATA is not allowed to use contractions, the number of times he does by accident is five.
* In the TV show "seinfeld", there is a Superman reference (spoken or visual) in every episode.
* The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
* If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in he air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
* "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
* "Jesus Wept." is the shortest sentence in the Bible.
* Cat Piss is often used as invisible ink becuase in can been seen under black light.
* The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
* Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
* Rock Music kills plants. (This IS actually true, based on expirence...)
* Lobsters have blue blood.
* People believe human blood flowing in our veins is also blue and it becomes red when exposed to air, this however is NOT true, blood is never blue.
* Eskimo's have over 150 different words for "Ice" and none for "Hello"
* The first product that Sony came out with was the rice cooker.
* Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch procejt at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosnt mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe! (Gotcha!)
* Ralph Lauren's original name is Ralph Lifshitz.
* In 1980, the city of Detroit presented Saddam Hussein with a key to the city.
* If Manhattan had the same population density as Alaska, there would only be 15 people living there.
* As of 2000, 1,537,195 people live in Manhattan.
* Barbie's (Yes the doll...) full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
* Car airbags kill 1 person for every 22 lives that they save. (But don't tell Homer Simpson that!)
* Actor Jean-Claude Van Damme learned to speak English by watching the cartoon 'The Flintstones.'
* 20252 is Smokey the Bear's own zip code.
* 91% of us lie regularly (women 95%, just kidding! :-) ).
* Pepsi-Cola was originally called 'Brad's drink'.
* -40 degrees Celsius is equal to -40 degrees Fahrenheit.
* Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand.
* It is possible to see a rainbow at night!
* Europe is the only continent without a desert.
* The higher the income, the more likely an American man will cheat on his wife. (Watch out, Melinda Gates!)
* The U.S. Government will not allow portraits of living persons to appear on stamps.
* All major league baseball umpires must wear black underwear while on the job!
* Streets in Japan do not have names.
* I own over 300 books.
* I have 60 Original DVD's and at least 85 Burned DVD's of Movies or TV shows.
* My cat's original name was "Diana" until the vet told me it was a male, when I came home, "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" was on TV, and the rest was history.
* All my past loves have had a first name sounding or ending with the letter "A" at the end (Deidre, Sonya, Theresa, Khalilah, and Angela).
* I was born in 1975, the chinese year of the rabbit, which is probably why I have my birthmark of a rabbit on my neck.
* My first name is scottish and means "Gray Castle"
* The first song I ever downloaded from Kazaa was the remix to Busta Rhymes's song "What it Is".
* The first media file I downloaded using Bit Comet was an episode of "Bionic Six" entitled "1001 Bionic Nights".
* The very first thing I won on eBay was a Nintendo 64 green controller, winning bid 5.96.
* I own enough pairs of underwear (Boxers & Briefs) to do laundry (to wash only underwear...) four times a year.
* I base my color coordination on the uniform colors of NFL Football Teams (Blue goes with Grey ala "Cowboys"...Yellow goes with Green ala "Packers", etc, etc....) if it wasn't for football, I wouldn't know what goes with what...
* A lot people believe I was stupid for doing so, but I filed for Bankruptcy when I was 26 with a total debt of only 27,000.
* When asked what contributing factors led to my credit card debt I named 5 things: "Sex, Women, Movies, Music, and Video Games"
* At the time of my bankruptcy, I have 9 active credit card accounts (Two Visa's, A Discover, a Mastercard, SEARS, JC PENNY, MACY'S, TARGET, and one other department store account I can't remember...
* My first credit card was a Discover, I got it in college and only applied to get the free candy bar they were giving away with each application.
* I've made over 2000 dollars selling the least valuable comics of my collection on eBay (Disney Comics, a few TMNT, a couple by DC, a couple of "Deadpool" titles, and even the entire run of the comic book based on the Toy Series and cartoon, "C.O.P.S."!), I still have tons of X-Men (and other Mutant titles) comics I wanna sell one day as well as a stash of VERY valuable comics.
* If I EVER have children of my own, my ideal names would be "Benjamin" for a son, and "Esmerelda" for a daughter, in the RARE event of twins I would name them "Patience" and "Fortitude" after the 2 Library Lions.
* If I even wrote my autobiography there are two titles I would consider..."Ain't no white man call me "Nigger"!...Ain't no black man call me "Brother", either." OR "You're a Black Man, Charlie Brown", whichever is more moving...
and finally...
* I find it very incredible that I can download episodes of "Bionic Six", "Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers", "Super Mario Brother 3", AND "Spider Man and his Amazing Friends" but can't find full lengh porno movie ANYWHERE!!! Where am I not looking?!?!? And I mean movie, not just 20 or 30 minute clips...feature movies!

"Oy Vey..."

*Sigh*

Psycho-Sis was released from the hospital at 2:30pm today.

The pains she was crying, whining, and calling mom 5 time at work over was related to her cramps. She was so scared that since she had two abortions in the past, that something went wrong this time...

She's such a drama queen...MOM was furious that she called her job five times within a few hours time.

God, I'm getting too old for this shit...

"Oh, Spit."

Okay, time to take a break from the storyline, people!

Forget about ME, my job at the UN, and my Mock-Relationship with my special someone (that's right I said "MOCK" more on that on the re-launch...)

Some crazy shit just happened last night...

First off, I wanna point out something...

Don't you just HATE when someone leaves a message on your phone about something serious and doesn't explain, or elaborate a little further?

Like saying some brief shit like..."Hey, we at the police station, um...somebody got shot or somethin' we'll call ya back..." I'm like WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?....you don't give half ass details like that on the phone?!??!

SO back to yesterday...

I treat myself to a walk to Times Square after work. I went to the Virgin Megastore, did some browsing...really couldn't find any NEW music worth buying so I just brought some old stuff I always wanted on CD ("My Life", Mary J.'s Second Album, "N.O.R.E.", Noreaga's first solo, I had the album on WAX from back in my DJ days, etc, etc...).

After the store, I walked around the square a bit, then went home. MOM wasn't there when I got in so I just figured she went out after work with some friends. I did some surfing and copied a few DVD's and then called joe to see if he wanted to chill this weekend.

Before I made the call I noticed I had a message on my voice mail...

So, JOE told me he made some plans with his fam and the wife this weekend, but told me "We DO have to talk, dude...but not on the phone..." which meant that JOE had some crazy ass "Ralph Kramdem" Get-RICH-Quick scheme he wanted to try and put me on to...

SO, with my plans dashed to bits, I end the call with joe and check my voicemail...

It's going on 10:30pm, and I guess it was kinda later than usual with MOM (But I try not to worry too much...)...WHEN a message from HER comes up, time recorded "6:30pm"...

"Hey, we're at Jacobi Hospital, "Psycho-Sis" is in the emergency room with stomach problems..."then Baby-Girl wrestles the phone from MOM..."Hi Uncle Leslie, I miss you..." then the message ends.

I look at my cell phone like, "WHAT THE HELL?"

I call mom's cell phone and thankfully she had it on her...

"Hello?"

"Yeah, it's me?...What's going on?"

"Oh, we're just getting out now, been waiting for over 5 hours in the waiting area, we gave up, we're in the cab, Be home around 12 or so..."

"What..."

"The doctor's don't know anything, they just took blood, we had to leave her there for the night..."

"For observation?, What..."

Look, we'll be home in a bit, okay? Bye!" (Click)

I hate it when she can't tell the truth about something...I knew exactly what the hell was going on...

It was 1am in the morning when they finally came home...

I had been nodding off and on, trying to stay up...my door was closed when they came in, my niece knocked on my door...

"Uncle Leslie...?"

"NNNGH?"

"The doctors said mommy may be pregnant..."

"UNN-HUNN" was all I could muster...inside though, I WAS SCREAMING!

Then I was out like a light...

"The return of my Guiltiest Pleasure"

Bring on the freaks!...bring on the bad singers, the drama queens, and of course, bring back Big Bad Simon!!!!...Yes, American Idol...the TV I'd NEVER admit to anyone I watch is back baybee...and the BEST episodes are always the first couple...with those HYSTRERICALLY funny bad auditions...I Give props to those kooks for trying, they're braver than me...time to get my laugh on...

Give 'em Hell, Simon!

Oh, and Paula?..try not to sleep with anyone THIS time!

"TV does Bad Taste"

There's a new show that's pushing the envelope between satire and bad taste. A show that is till one of my favorites (At least till it gets cancelled...). It's called "The Boondocks" which is a term refering to the country/rural area. It's a cartoon, based on a newspaper comic strip, it's the opening show of Sunday Night's "Adult Swim" Late Night block of adult-oriented cartoons (Just like my "Cowboy Bebop"). This week's episode, timely aired around the Martin Luther King, Jr. Holiday has a "what-if" scenario (Probably a Dream Sequence) in which King survived the attempt on his life in Memphis and slips into a coma for 31 years.

To top that, I watch the season premiere of "24" (I apologize for revealing spoilers to anyone who missed it...) and in the first 20 minutes (I guess), Dennis Haysbert who plays the former president of the United States gets killed VERY simular to the assasination Dr. King.

I don't know what is it about this holiday...it gets just the amount of respect as a parade on Veteran's Day in November. But aside from that why is TV paying no respect to the memory of this fallen civil rights leader? Someone should look into this...

It's not right.

"Dynasty Over, Muthaf**kers!!!!!"


THEY AIN'T GONNA BE A FOURTH, NEW ENGLAND!!!! HA!

TAKE THAT WITH YOU ON THE WAY DOWN, BI-ATCH!!!!

I'm rooting for Seattle and Denver to make it to the Super Bowl! They deserve it! Especially Seattle for beating Washington (I hate those Redskins, too!)

All the teams that are playing today (Steelers, Colts, Panthers, and Bears), I cannot stand with a passion!! Well, except the Bears, I ain't really got nothing against them. I REALLY Hope the Colts lose, thou...I'm sick of hearing about peyton manning!

Ya'll thought I was through with football cuz the eagles weren't in it?...Nah, the final tear doesn't fall till I see the last Super Bowl Commercial...

PEACE!

"Stolen from FIRE5, who stole it from PISSY BRITCHES"

4 Jobs Jet Black Had

Parks Department Worker
Adminstative Assistant for the Department of Nutrition
Library Clerk
Facilatated Enroller for Health Insurance

4 Places I Have Lived

Albany, NY
530 W. 186th Street
825 Gerard Avenue
Where I am now

4 TV Shows I Love

LOST
CSI (All 3 of them)
The Boondocks
House

4 Places I Have Been On Vacation

Virgina Beach, VA
Dayton, OH
Norfolk, VA
Greensboro, NC

4 Web Sites I visit daily (Blogs)

Mine (To read comments, or lack there of!)
Irene's Menagerie (U know you had to be first, boo!)
FIRESTARTER5
I have no name for this

4 Web Sites I visit daily (Non-Blogs)

SIMPLEMP3s
TorrentSpy
GAMEfaqs
THEPSPNATION

4 Favorite Foods

French Fries
Pizza
A Peanut Butter Sandwich
Pancakes


4 Places I Would Rather Be Right Now

Nightmute, Alaska
Living alone again
In a nice hotel room with a certain someone (*wink*)
Amsterdam


Names of 4 People I DO NOT Love

Scott McClune
Chris Hart
Joseph Humpries
William Rutheford

(These four people are responsible for the most tramatic moments in my life so far...)


Now, I had a long speech before this quiz about the future of this blog with all that's going on, but it was lost when my Mozilla Explorer froze after a quick side-step to LadyLongFellow's blog (Those video clips are gonna be the death of me!). Well, to cut a long speech short...I'm teaching myself FrontPage and shopping around other blogs for a new Template for YEAR TWO. In the meantime I plan to post quizzes and other useless information I may find intresting rather than personal entries about what's going on at work, at home, or on the scene with possibily the new reason for living and waking up in the morning...(No juicy sex stories here, folks, try "Seeker" or "Stretch-td")

Don't take offense, it's all good...

"Wasting time with Jet, Year Two:The Quest for Love, Freedom and Happiness in 2006" will commence Feburary 2nd...

And also, I'll put up some new pics on my Photography Blog.

1-Luv!

"My Confessions"

Okay, ya'll I've been holding it in too long...

It's time to let the cat out of the bag, and reveal a deep secret.

Are you ready?

Come closer...

Here goes...

"I am no longer alone out here in cyberspace..."

I have found my TRUE LOVE...

...my Kindred Spirit..

Oh, yes...and we have been hiding our secret love for far too long and now it is time to reveal our relationship to the world.

You can thank Angelina's pregnacy for bringing this on...

Her name is irene, but she's affectionally known in the blogger universe as anocsanamun

Yes, like the half-nekked girl from "The Mummy", her beauty is beyond the reach of mortal women..."No man was allowed to touch her" like the movie said, BUT...I have...

We have shared our souls and our bodies and we are as one...I have tasted the firery passion between her thighs and heard the ocean waves echo in her busom and she has felt my fire penetrate her like paper, sinking DEEP within her, burning her inside and out.

We've been together since November...she almost leaked out our secret by commenting on one of my post a whlle back...in the past I have asked her to remain anonymous, but now it is time we step out in the spotlight together...for everybody to see!

I don't care anymore...we're lovers and I want the whole world to know it!

*SIGH*...I feel so much better, now...

"The Diet: Week 1"

Well MOM arrived back from Jacksonville safely today, and she didn't bring me back a souvenir (Is there any wonder why this woman is the BANE of my existance?). She brought my sister back FOUR packs of newport cigarettes because they're 2.99 a pack down there (Compared to 6.00 and change up here!). She brought stuff for her co-workers back at her office and DID but me something from down south...a pack of BOSTONIAN dress socks (WHAT IS IT WITH HER AND SOCKS!).

She went over the house with a fine tooth comb expecting to find something askew...

When Psycho-Sis told her about friday, she didn't buy the story...she believes I made it up just so I could get her key and assure she won't pop in on me while I was entertaining company...

I felt like I was 17 again...sneaking girls in the house to make out, or some shit!

I wasn't trying to bring someone to the house to score...I WAS TRYING TO SCORE OUTSIDE!

I paid her no mind as she babbled on about her trip.

What was really getting to me (ASIDE from the lack of sex, of course) was this damn diet I'm going through. Despite what happened this past weekend, I didn't stray away and drown my sorrows with a peanut butter sandwich, or a slice a pizza, or a nice pitcher of Grape/Lemonade Kool-Aid! I've been depriving myself of so much and I'm about to crazy!!!

Do you know what ONE bite of a sandwich would do to me right about now...


"I got you the big screen TV, deluxe karaoke machine, and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas cream in his pants!"


This is so unfair, something's gotta give...

I have a PSP meetup tomorrow at some werid bar...we'll be meeting there for the first time, hope the place is cool, hope I actually go and TAPE "CSI" instead.

On the work horizion, we may finally be moving to the UN Warehouse out in Queens soon. Friday or Monday, tops...

It'd be nice for a change of scenery...

Ah, well...the saga continues...PEACE!

"Who was this Mitch Hedberg guy?...And why is he so obsessed with him?"

I wanna take this time out to show everybody this cool like I found. Last year I found out that comedian Mitch Hedberg died of heart failure caused by his use of drugs. Very few knew the comedic genius that was Mitch. His sarcastic one-liners and his rapid-fire style of punchline-after-punchline made people think he would make it one day.

Well, I finally found a link with the majority of his performances and TV cameos. It's a great tribute to him...

http://www.smithappens.com/video_mitchhedberg.php

I have both his comedy albums "Strategic Grill Locations" and "Mitch all together" and I listen to them all the time.

Here are a list of my fav. Mitch Hedberg jokes...

"I wanna be a Race Car Passenger, just riding in the back of the car, complaining!... Slow Down! Why we gotta go around in circles?! Can I listen to the radio? MAN, you sure like TIDE!..."

"I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a woman that will get mad if she heard me Say That!"

"I have a girlfriend named LYNN spelled L-Y-N-N, and I have a ex-girlfriend name LYN spelled L-Y-N, and sometimes my current girlfriend gets mad at me when I say her name 'cause I don't say "NNN" long enough!"

"A lot of people expect you to write comedy or something related to comedy when they hear you're a comedian, be like "Can you Write a script?", "Write a funny Joke..." or something, that's not FAIR! It'd be like if I worked my ass off to be a good chef, a gourmet chef and they'd say "Okay, you're a Chef...CAN YOU FARM?!?"

"I opened a cup of Yogurt and underneath the lid it said "Please Try Again", it was a contest that I didn't know about! I thought I opened it wrong!..."Don't get discouraged, Mitch, Please Try Again"...An insprational message from the people at Yoplay...Fruit on the bottom, Hope on Top!"

"I think Pringles' original plan was to make Tennis Balls...the day the rubber was suuposed to arrive, a whole truck load of potatoes came. Pringles' is a laid back company, they said "F*ck that, Cut 'em Up!"

"I was in a club in the corner, standing right next to the fire exit, and one of the bouncers came up to me and said "Sir, you're gonna have to move, you're blocking the fire exit." like if I wasn't gonna run in case of a fire! "If you're flammable and you have legs you are NEVER blocking the fire exit!", they should put that in quotes on a plaque somewhere, with a dash and my name on it."

"I went to a pizzeria and ordered a slice of pizza and the f*cker gave me the smallest slice possible, If the pizza was a pie chart of what would you do if you found a million dollars, he gave me the "Donate it to Charity" Slice! I would like to exchange this for the "Keep It"!

"I went to a vending machine and put some money in it and pressed "C" twice for a candy bar...F*cking Potato Chips came out, man...See I did not know there was a "CC" button, I did not learn my "AA-BB-CC's"...God-God-Damnit-Damnit!"

"I think they could take Sesame Seeds off the market and I wouldn't care. I can't see myself saying "Damn, remember Sesame Seeds!, WHAT HAPPENED? All the buns are Blank! They're gonna have to change that McDonnald's song..."Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a...Bun"

"What's a Sesame Seed grow into anyway?, I dunno we never give them a chance!...What the F*CK is a SES-A-ME?!?...It's a STREET!...It's a way to open S*IT!"

"I like the FEDEX guy, cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it."

"I was in downtown Boise, Idaho and I saw this duck, and I knew the duck was lost cause ducks ain't supposed to be downtown, there's nothing for them there. So I went to a Subway Sandwich shop, and said "Let me have a Bun." but she wouldn't just sell me the bun, she said it had to have something on it. She told me it was against regulations for Subway to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch. So I said "Alright well put some lettuce on." Which she did and said "That'll be 1.75." I said "It's for a Duck." and she said "Alright then It's free." See, I did not know that. DUCKS EAT FOR FREE AT SUBWAY! Had I known that I would have ordered a MUCH larger sandwich! "Lemme have the Steak Fajita Sub!...Don't bother ringing it up, it's for a DUCK!...There are SIX DUCKS out there, and they all want SUN CHIPS!"

And my favorite Mitch Hedberg joke of all time...

"I wrote a script and took it to a friend who reads scripts he said he liked it but it needs to be re-written...I said "F*ck That! I'll just make a copy!"

"Chaos at the AMC 2:You'll never Learn"

You'd think I had a bad enough weekend as it was, but no...it got worst.

I was awoken this morning by the doorbell at around 10:30am. My first thought beliving it was psycho-sis visiting was "Why the fuck doesn't she use her key!?" Then I realized I still had it.

Turns out I was wrong, it was my mother's cousin PAT. Last thursday when mom left I went up to her apartment in our building to help her use her new DVD player she got for christmas. She had brought her first few DVD's and the player wasn't showing the picture.

I explained to her last thursday that her setup required her to change her TV to the "VIDEO 1" channel (Try not to laugh, some of us still haven't joined the 21st Century.) which was deleted from her memory. I put the channel back in and showed her how to tune in to it, and the movie came on (It's anybody's guess how long the player was playing the disc, hours, days?). Then that night I showed he how to play a DVD party game, it seemed to be a carbon copy of the popular "Scene It" DVD games I've heard about. PAT said they tried to play it at another relatives house, but they swore it froze on them.

We played a round and realized, there's a very long time delay process, to give the players a chance to absorb the rules. All we had to do was listen to the verbal instructions and use the remote when indicated. (One again, try not to laugh, we all can't be as sharp as a ginsu knife...), I even joked that the DVD game would be just to MOM's speed of thought!

We got a good laugh and then I brought up my old friend REBEL who still works with her. PAT said that REBEL mentions me every now and then and would love to see how I'm doing now...

I shyed away from a possible meeting, once again...maybe if the Trimspa works I'd consider it. I knew REBEL over 7 years ago, and maybe 50 pounds lighter...she can't see me now, not the way I am.

The reason PAT woke me up this morning, thou was that she had one more thing that was acting up. She brought a portable 7in Screen DVD player as a present to someone and it wasn't player DVD's either. She brought it down and said if I got to work, I could keep it! She said she gave the person some money as a replacement gift. I told her I'd see what I could do, but mom wouldn't let me keep it.

She insisted and left, I put the machine in the table to check it out later (Hmmph, I didn't even KNOW polaroid MADE DVD players!).

After breakfast I take a look at the instructions. Some DVD players have a protective tab over the laser "eye" reader, I checked, nothing. I put a DVD of "I, Robot" in the player, nothing happened, the screen registered "No Disc". I fished out my DVD cleaner, and tinkered with it some more (It's just something about that word I like, "Tinker"...), after a bit I got fustrated. The damn disc would spin, but nothing happened. I worked on the laser reader with some compressed air, and then tried to clean it with some witch hazel on a Q-Tip. Finally, I dug up one my D-skin's (A protective layer that supposely prevents scratching.) and wrapped a DVD in it. It was thick enough for the DVD to be detected and spin, and voila! We have a working DVD player! (Just like my grandfather, I can fix almost anything!).

At noon, I called PAT again and told her I fixed it, she still said to keep it, no matter what. I felt so silly, it was no problem, but she wasn't taking it back. God only knows how much this thing costs, I see people with them on the train and bus sometimes. I thought about selling it on eBay or craigslist, but maybe I'll keep it.

NOW on to my headache!

I almost thought about giving friday's girl another shot, but I changed my mind, I deposited back the 250 in my bank account and decided to go to the movies. I really wanted to see "Bloodrayne" but I couldn't BELIEVE how many theaters it was in! Lowes, United Artist, none of the chains carried it! Only the sorry-ass indie theaters that were so run down it was insane. The only other theater I remotely considered was the AMC 25 at times square. I couldn't stand that flophouse, years ago, I was seeing the last "Highlander" movie with JOE, and in the middle of the movie the damn thing shut off, they said the "Film in the projecter Snapped", but WHO the hell really uses film projectors in movie theaters these days? The audience (Bunch of fantasy nerds and sci-fi fanboys) went nuts and almost started a riot.

I swore never to go there again...but I do when I wanna movie-hop a bit...

I go to the 2pm showing and the moment I saw the crowd, I knew I was in trouble...the place was packed, I had no elbow room to myself.

Then, the trailer's started...

They showed the trailer for Miami Vice (Which looked kinda cool...), and a few other movie I couldn't remember...THEN THEY SHOWED A TEASER TRAILER FOR "X-MEN 3". Everyone's jaw dropped, the wave of gasps and sighs...You'd think it was the "Episode I" trailer. I'm not gonna lie, it WAS kinda cool, but you'd think these kids were gettin' off or something!

After the date "5.26.06" came up the audience went nuts! There were cheers of "Play it Again!" going back and forth, I had flashbacks to the Gwen Stefani concert at MSG! They didn't play the trailer, instead the movie started.

Now, in a normal movie theater (Even on the first weekend, at decient showtime) the audience just looks at the damn movie, but sometimes they're wise asses that gotta remark, whistle and howl like idiots. Then people started throwing popcorn around like the fucking "Killing me Softly" music video. Then a fight broke out, next thing you know everyone was screaming and yelling and security had to step, a fucking riot, do you believe this, in a movie theater! Thank god no one was strapped! Then again, this wasn't the Magic Johnson Theater, I knew better than that...

As soon as security stepped in to restore order, I got the hell out of there and snuck in to another theater...I saw the last hour of "Syriana", it was cool...everything with George Clooney seems intresting one way or another...

I got out of the theater and walked around at bit at 4:30, then took the bus home. I was still a little down so I rented "Wedding Crashers" to cheer me up a bit.

MOM'll be back wednesday I think, I go back to work tomorrow...this weekend is definately going in the history books as one of the worst.

At least it's behind me, now...

"Title Quotes of 2005!"

Ed. Note: "This post originally was created 12/29/2005 and would be placed there posthumously, but then NO ONE would probablly read it, so what with all that's been happening the last 24 humilating hours, I'd figured this would be an ideal place to finally insert it in...enjoy, and keep reading!"


First off, I took off the Library flashback entries. I was rambling on too long about the whole thing and I don't think anyone showed interest. SO, here's the SHORT, SHORT, SHORT, version...

Basically, I was fooling around with the computers too much, developed and primitive emailing system that everybody took up doing. Got involved in a football pool which backfired when one of particpants dropped a dime on me when the Library 5-0 put the heat on him. The snitch gave me on a recorded phone tap (Illegal by the way) and I was caught by the balls. A big case ensued, lots of people with their jobs on the line, I tried to save them all and take the blow myself, it didn't work, everybody got fired, including me. The End, snitch is still working in the system...the year was 1996, haven't been back their since, been afraid to re-apply.

Now that THAT's outta the way, on with the show...

Since the first entry the majority of my entry titles have been taken from quotes in movies, tv shows, or even songs. For those who haven't noticed, I'd figure I'd point them out and reveal where they came from...

And it goes a little something like this...

"3-2-1, Let's Jam!" - ANY bebop fan would know this, Show intro right before the theme song picks up...
"This is your life...and it's ending one Minute at a Time" - Brad Pitt aka Mr. Angelina Jolie (Jus Kiddin') said this line in "Fight Club".
"This is Jet Black speaking..." - A play on Keanu's line in the beginning of "CONSTANTINE", 2005's best movie overall.
"A Dream...A simple fantasy." - The opening line from "A Dream" a song from Mary J. Blige on the "Money Talks" Soundtrack.
"MARTY!!! It runs on STEAM!!!" - Christopher Lloyd as "Doc Brown" in "Back to the Future 3".
"Nothing like fresh Powder" - Vin Diesel in "XXX" after the snowboarding stunt.
"I know Kung-Fu" - Umm, if you don't know where this is from, you're either 10 or 90! But just in case, Keanu in "The Matrix".
"Live from the Ed Sullivan Studio..." - In the sprit of the Top 15, this line is the intro to David Letterman's Late Night Top 10 Lists.
"There no need to argue, Parents just don't Understand!" - Famous Will Smith rap song back when he was The Fresh Prince.
"Before you die, you see The Ring" - Pretty self explanitory tagline from the original movie "The Ring"
"The color of the pen, I hold in my hand, is Rrrrrrrrr...." - Jim Carrey, trying to tell a lie in "Liar, Liar".
"Emotional Rollercoster" - R&B song by Vivian Green.
"Oh, it's raining again..." - Line from one of MOBY's new songs on his latest album, "Hotel".
"I'm Back, I'm Back!!!!" - Tobey Maguire in "Spider Man 2".
"If these walls could talk..." - The HBO movie that was about women.
"My Hood" - A song by rapper Cam'ron.
"Act your age, Simpson! You look foolish!" - The first of MANY title quotes taken from "The Simpsons". This line was said by C. Montgomery Burns in Grandpa Simpson's Hellfish episode.
"I ain't dead, yet" - This was loosely from a line near the end of "Resident Evil" said by Michelle Rodriguez when Milla Jovovich thought she had changed to a zombie and was about to shoot her. (God, Michelle was freakin HOT in this movie!)
"Back in the game, now..." - As mentioned in the actual post, the title is a lyric from a Wu-Tang song featuring Ronald Isley aka "Mr. Bigs".
"I am sitting in the morning, the diner on the corner..." - The famous song to go with the pic (Which is gone, now!), Susan Vega's "Tom's Diner". Maybe I'll put it back if I can find it saved somewhere...
"You're looking at a free lunch, guys....come get it!...GRRROOOW" - Another Simpson's Quote, Homer's Sister-in-Law Selma when she made a Video Ad for a Singles Dating Agency.
"Boys will be Boys, Bad Boys, Bad Boys..." - The famous song by Miami Sound Machine, "Bad Boys" with Gloria Estefan.
"The last temptation of Jet" - Not that I wouls ever compare myself to christ, that's where the title comes from.
"Little man, you've had a busy Day." - This was an old 50's tune, I forgot who sang it.
"25th Hour" - The famous Spike Lee movie starring Edward Norton.
"I see the darkness appoaching, Neo..." - Another "Matrix" tribute.
"And now back our regulary scheduled Program..." - A line used in Network TV when they usually resume something after an important interuption.
"...or God is BOWLing!...With the pins, and the ball, and the little red arrows on the floor that SCARE me!" - Professor Frink from "The Simpsons", Glavin.
"Rome wasn't built in a day..." - Well, it wasn't, ya'll know the saying.
"Let's see if you bastards can do Ninety!!" - Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) challenges the Libyans in "Back to The Future".
"Mr. Hammond, the phones are working!" - Sam Neill's sarcastic line as he calls Richard Attenborough in "Jurrasic Park".
"Ahhhhh....Slow down, Baby..." - Jackie Chan's slow whisper as he spies Roselyn Sanchez undressing in "Rush Hour 2".
"So what do you want? An extension?" - Lucifer (Peter Stormare) in the movie "Constantine".
"A, E, I, Owe, U, an ASS WUPPIN'!!!" - One of Shaq's rare decient rap lyrics from the song "I know I got Skillz".
"Told you, I did...Reckless is She...Now, All is Lost..."That Girl's our last hope"...No, there is another..." - A turn off Yoda and Obi Wan Kenobi's line in "Empire Strikes Back.
"To Jet on His 30th Birthday..." - Inspired by the famous Michelle Pfeiffer movie.
"Freeeedom!" - Infamous battlecry by Mel Gibson in "Braveheart".
"Beautiful." - This could of been anything, but I had in mind Trinity's line in "Matrix Revolutions" when Her and Neo they fly their ship through a level of dark clouds in the sky and see the real sun for perhaps their first time ever.
"That darn Cat!" - Famous Disney Movie.
"Oh My...It's a Mirage..." - Lyric from The Beastie Boys song "Sabotage".
"I found the cure for cancer and now I've Lost IT!" - As metioned IN the post, the line from the famous Sean Connery movie.
"Five O'Clock in da Mornin', Where ya gonna be? OUTSIDE ON THE CORNER!!!" - Famous rap chorus from the song "5 O'Clock", A hip hop one hit wonder by female rapper Nonchlant. This one brought a lot of attention because no one could remember where it came from...
"...now let us never speak of this again." - Repeated line from "The Simpsons".
"Pinciotti Scores, Hell freezes over, a monkey writes Shakespere!..." - Eric Foreman (Topher Grace) in "That 70's Show".
"Computer, Activate Self Destruct Sequence..." - Also mentioned in the post, Captain Janeway's (Kate Mulgrew) often repeated line in "Star Trek:Voyager".
"Ya can't keep a good dog down!" - An overall famous saying, thou I got the line from the movie "All dogs go To Heaven".
"Well it's not like spotting a bad Toupe" - Line from an episode of "Seinfeld" about knowing if there's a Virgin in the room to share a sex story with.
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..." - The infamous christmas song.
"Oh, Danny Boooooy!, The Pipes, the Pipes..." - Opening line from the irish tune "Danny Boy".
"This has been one of the most magical evenings of my life....I'm Horny....I don't know what you just said, but I'm sure it was beautiful." - Dialogue from the "Simpsons" episode where Homer breaks his jaw.
"BABIES!!!...They're Babies!....ARRRGH!" - Line spoken by The Shredder in "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2:The Secret of the Ooze" when he finds out his mutants are a bit..SIMPLE minded.
"He's a chicken I tell ya! A Giant Chicken!" - This was a common line in a skit on "Animaniacs" featuring Chicken Boo, who was a big rooster who dressed up to pass off as being human.
"When I Cry, You Cry." - Chorus in the Ja-Rule rap ballad "I Cry".
"There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus." - Alan Rickman's line in the movie "Dogma" about God's source of his sense of humor.
"You're not having any fun, are you Sean?" - Nicholas Cage's taunt to John Travolta in "Face/Off".
"So I creep, YEEAH! I just keep it on the down low." - Chorus from the TLC R&B song "Creep.".
"Back to the grill again, back to the Grill!" - Line from the very old rap song by MC Search.

*WHEW* what a list, I'm looking forward to 2006's...

Peace!!!!

"I just got schooled on the topic o' maturity...by someone named STRONG GUY?...Color me Humiliated."

Okay, put the coffee on the pot before you read any further...

Put the kids to bed, tell hubby your're going to be reading for awhile and you don't wanna be disturbed, turn the TV and/or Radio and pull down the window shade. I'll be providing you with an entertaining yet sad tale that wiil generate SO much pity for me, it will be totally unbelievable.

Still there?, ya ready?...okay, here we go...

7:30 I make the call, her voice mail picks up...this voice sounded SO scary, I almost called off the whole night right there. It made me think...in all the research I've done, I really didn't know how OLD this girl was. Her voice was, deep and sultry...like Kathleen Turner's Jessica Rabbit, which could be taken as sexy, but it just didn't fit.

I gather up my nerve and try again, I get her in person (In the 10 minute wait, the voice settles within me...) and set up the appointment for 10pm. Once again, I'm informed to call and confirm when I'm near the area. After taking another shower (my 3rd.) and getting the tradional "Johnny Cash" black outfit out of the closet and get ready.

Trying to keep the damn cats away so I don't get any cat hair on me, I put the money in an envelope (this girl is a real stickler for procedure.), I grab some binaca, chap stick, my cell, a pen and my wallet and walk out the door...

Two guesses what I forgot in that list above...

MY GADDAMN HOUSEKEYS!!!

I freeze in sheer panic for a moment as the door closes, "Oh! SHIT!...What am I gonna do?" I think.

I go downstairs to my neighbor underneath me. MOM is MEETING her IN Jacksonville, but sometimes her numbskull grandniece is in the apartment and we have a spare kept there. I ring the door and knock hard...nothing.

It's 8:45pm, now...I gotta be downtown by 10...I try to play it cool and start off towards the train station thinking I could try again when I get back (Satisfied) or worst case scenario, I'd call psycho-sis and get her copy. I tried not to sweat it too much, but I couldn't believe how nervious I was to rush out without my freaking keys!

So, still keeping cool, I make it down to 38th Street on the east side. I'm between 5th and Madison, wondering how far I should go, it's about 9:52pm...I start calling...NO ANSWER.

"Okay" I think to myself..."Maybe she's there finishing up with another client...no big thing..."

I keep calling...9:55pm

...9:58

10pm rolls by, and I'm in the middle of downtown, trying to get a lil somethin, somethin, not knowing the EXACT location and stiil no answer!

What the hell to do?, what could I do?...I give up and call it off.

BUT now, what about my keys?

I suck air through my cheeks, bite my lip and dial Psycho-sis on my cell.

I gave her some song and dance story about being stood up a girl I was IM'ing for the last month and I locked myself out. I told her I was heading up to Co-Op city on the 6 train and to stay put and don't go asleep.

She tried to contain herself, but I could tell she was dying to hang up the phone and laugh her ass off.

At least she brought the story...god forbid she ever discover the truth. I couldn't just go to her house all dressed up saying I forgot my keys, she would of wondered what the hell I was doing the minute she saw me.

So, I head over to Grand Central, when a Text message hits my phone, I couldn't read it at first because I had so much crap in my mailbox it was actually full! So I deleted a few messages and found out what it was. The girl had an outcall appointment in New Jersey and she couldn't make it back to the city in time. I couldn't believe it...brushed off by an escort...this was a new low for me.

I get on the 6 train and take it to the bronx. Once I get to Psycho-sis's neck of the woods, I get a call from JOE. He wanted to know how'd it go, I tell him I'm on the adventure of the lifetime. He's telling me I'm crazy doing all this stuff for sex, that I need a hobby or something...

"Buy another PS2, man...get your mind off with some games."

I tell that the PS3 is coming out in March, and it'd be a waste to buy a PS2, now. We talk about the movies a bit, He getting "Bloodrayne" confused with the sequel to "Underworld" and I gotta explain to him the difference between the two.

I finally get to Psycho-Sis's house and ask her to come down with the spare key (All the damn walking around I did tonight, I wasn't about to climb 4 flights of steps!). She give me a key that looks completly unfamilar...

"This ain't the key." I say"

"Yes it is." she responds with a smirk.

We go back and foward and finally I take her word for it.

"This ain't funny" I yell at her...

"Yes it is..." she says back and goes back in her building.

"I'll make this up to you" I say as I leave...Maybe I'll take Baby Girl to the movies myself one weekend, maybe to see "Curious George" in feburary...

I wait at the bus stop alone so I could use my 2-hour transfer from the train as a free ride home.

I should of just paid for a cab, I had 250 fuckin' dollars burning a hole in my jacket!

I just waited there, with my back on the pole, looking up...the wind was blowing, and it was brick cold...I suddenlly just started laughing to myself at this whole situatition...just laughing, and crying at how pathetic I was...

What a fucking day.

"I brought this on myself, I deserve this." I thought to myself...

I'm not worthy anymore, sex is a luxury that is no longer entitled to me. Heh, getting a STD, would be considered LUCKY compared to my current situation! I deserve none of this...

I should be laughed at when it comes to sex...

I shouldn't have sex for the rest of my life...

I should be 45 years old, still living with mother...

...and have 3 inch penis.

I...I can't take these damn disappointments anymore.

The bus finally came and I got on. I was so out of it. When I got home I wanted to eat a peanut butter sandwich and forget about my damn diet.

I wanted to eat a whole medium cheese deep-dish pie from dominoes...

The only guilty pleasure I took when I got home was drinking a pitcher of kool-aid MOM left for me thursday night. As some sort of test of temptation since I've been drinking bottled water all week. I decided to help myself to the kool-aid for my troubles like a recovering alcholic falling off the horse...

I looked at myself in the dining room mirror...Damn, I was fine...could get any woman I wanted...why am I paying for it then?

It's such bullshit.

It was 1:30 in morning when I came in...full of energy.

I don't know what i'm gonna do tomorrow...

Maybe head out to LI and see JOE or somethin'

"Anticipationnnnnn"

Slept in late this morning, but still managed to wake up at around 9. I leaped out of bed and danced naked in the empty house! MOM was on a train to Jacksonville, and I had the day off! After a hot shower and feeding the cats, I made a few calls to check my balence, then left the house at 12:30 to do some errands. I got two crispy fresh Hundred dollar Bills from the bank, and went to get my haircut.

After a long wait at the barber shop, I finaly came back at 3pm and took another shower. Still prancing around in the buff, I checked craigslist for the opportunity I've been reseaching for awhile. While she's no LOVELY, the lady in question still has certain qualities I'm into. Her latest posting revealed extended hours so now I don't to wait so late!

At 10pm, it's on!

The hardest part is the waiting...Tick..Tock...Tick..CO*K!

"The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday...Woo-hoo!, Four day weekend!"

The thing with unstable work is that sometimes you get ahead of yourself. I've been back at the UN for three weeks now, and already they ran out of work to give us. They're working on some documents that have been binded like books, and now they're cutting the spines to make the pages loose and individual so they can be scanned a page at a time. It sort of defeats the purpose of having them binded in the first place! However, there were no modern document scanners back in 1979 so for storage reasons this is a good idea. It seems such a shame, thou...dismembering those old volumes with that machine with the huge blade that you have to pull down like a lever (Slicer?). The aides can't do it fast enough to keep us busy, so I'm sitting there at the computer thinking of words I can spell on a pocket calculator upside-down..."BOOBS", "HELLO", "LESLIE", "LES"...I mean, I'm getting paid 15.00 an hour just to sit on my ass and do nothing?, my conscience gets the best of me. So mention this to my co-worker (No exactly supervisor, because we're a two person team, she just sends the reports and handles the other paperwork...) who then emails seacacus and they agree to let me leave at 1:30pm.

Tomorrow is also up in the air, but they're definately have some books cut by monday. SO...Mom's gone, the house is all to myself, AND I have a day off tomorrow...YOU KNOW WHAT'S ON MY MIND!!!

YES! I'm not going to call someone over, BUT I WILLS BE HAVING SEX WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS!!!

*sighs* what is it about this time of the year?, I don't know, and I don't care!

TOMORROW, movie, sex, music store, maybe I can finally check out Rothko for some hip-hop karaoke...

Stand by for all the juicy details...

One question, for all ya'll reading this...

Which is a better time (I mean, last time was perfect at 10pm, this time I don't have the luxury...)

Between 6pm and 9pm? or mad late like 12 Midnight to 3am?...I dunno, they both either too early to too damn late (Talk about BUSINESS HOURS, damnit!) Help me out with your opinion, ya'll, and DON'T judge me on anything else about this situation..."I NEED IT!, I WANT IT, I GOTTA HAVE IT!"

"Ev'ryone can RELAX, GAMBIT has returned."

Tonight was a PSP meetup at the citicorp building. I've been missing out on a few meetups intentionally due to the holidays and the rising popularity of the muti-player 3rd Person Army Shooter "SOCOM:Fireteam Bravo". I'm not too keen on the whole army thing so I've been thinking of other games that might be fun to play against others.

The group missed me a bit and gave me a nice warm welcome, we also greeted a few more newcomers, apparntly, the PSP was THE christmas gift to get this past year. And while people still played SOCOM shooting each other like madmen, I was able to play a few rounds of "Mortal Kombat" on "Midway Arcade Tresures".

After the meetup we went to WENDY'S where keeping on my diet, I had only ONE regular order of french fries and an Aquafina (A VERY strong sign of RESTRAINT!). The group talked for a bit and then we all went our separate ways. Most of them usually end the night going for drinks at a bar, but I usually don't go beacause I don't drink and we usually meet on a weekday and I usually have to work the next day.

Mom's heading down to Jacksonville, FL tomorrow. She'll be back next wednesday. Friday I'm going to the movies to see "Bloodrayne" the movie inspired by the pouplar Vampire Videogame. I wanna treat myself friday night, maybe go to the music store afterwards and spend the night out on the town...unfortnately, I'll be roaming the streets alone, but I gotta do what I gotta do!

"For LLF...TAG!, I'm it!"

Okay, LadyLongFellow hit me up to do this post about sexual fantasies and places I've either had sex or want to have sex one day...

Let's start with the places I've done the deed already...



"Teenage Girl's Bedroom" - Three years of being a nice guy puts a lot of trust in parents back in 1992, but one fatefull night in December, on her 18th Birthday, we tricked Deidre's parents into thinking I was taking her out for a nice romantic dinner. Instead we waited till her parents left her house and we had sex in her room for the first time. She wanted to become a woman that night, I wanted to wait till after graduation. There are times I believe god punished me for de-flowering his creation that night, and that was why he took her away from me four months later.




"College Study Hall" - Back in college, everybody smoked, drunk, or had sex. 1 out of 3, I did pretty good for myself. Me and and a few other sexual deviants formed a brotherhood called "P.E.P." Which stood for "P**sy Eating Professionals". And in the study hall we would be crawling on the floor, sliding underneath the huge and covered study tables offering our services to lovely young ladies nice enough to be wearing any type of skirt. We were like snakes, slithering on the floor (and getting our clothes dirty!). We had a signal, anytime someone wanted our services, they'd use a series of taps and scrapes against the floor... "TAP, SCRAPE, SCRAPE, TAP...TAP...TAP, SCRAPE, SCRAPE, TAP". The signal was Morse Code, P (. _ _ .), E (.), P (. _ _ .)..."P.E.P."!. Our greeting was licking our fingetip and wiping it underneath our nose. What a bunch of crazy nuts we were...



"NY/NJ PATH Train" - Ah, memories...Summer of 1999. My EX lived out in Jersey City, so the PATH was my second home. And as you ride it ever so often day and night, you can't help yourself to notice how roomy those seats are! So much better than the trains in the city. One night we got stuck in a tunnel betwen 9th Street and Chirstopher, and one thing led to another...thank god we were the only ones in the car at the time, I was scared shitless that someone would walk in on us (But I guess that's the rush!)

Okay, now for the places I've always wanted to have sex at.



"Outside on a Terrace or Fire Escape, High above the city..." - Since I live in an apartment complex with a Terrace, this has always been a dream of mine, sooner or later it's gonna happen.



"Backseat of a car/or a cab in Taxicab Confessions" - As corny as it sounds, I've never even made out in a car, I mean it's so midwest-country-simpletown style to me. To be neckin' in the backseat somewhere isolated. JOE told me stories of him driving up to the cloysters at night doing it, but I've never done it myself, and it would feel silly now that I'm old, but I still wanna try it.



"A Movie Theater" - I've made out and fingered a few girls in a movie theater, but to have sex (and I don't mean oral, straight out grinding!) is a fantasy of mine.



"A Dentist Chair" - considering my fear of dentist, this one's a bit deep, buried way down inside me.



"A pet cemetary" - Don't ask why, it goes back to a joke by Mitch Hedberg that stuck with me.



"A Toy Store, FAO Scwartz or Toys R' Us" - On the trampaline, in the ball pit, on top of a moving toy train, the whole works...just the kid in me I guess.



The Number One fantasy is not really a place, but a ritural I want to do AFTER sex. I wanna hang upside down by my feet using gravity boots and swing like a Pendulum, just like Michael Keaton in "Batman". I think that is the coolest thing to do after sex. That's my big fantasy! (I looked everywhere for a damn image of this scene, but couldn't find it!!)

I have one other Major fantasy that requires role playing a famous scene in the movie "From Dust till Dawn" (Salma Hayek's introduction lap dance to Quentin Tarantino), but as far as places go, this is it.

"I AM IN LOVE!"



Her name...her name...her name (Slap), OH!, um, Her name's Bridget Banks, the perfect complexion, and those eyes!, those wonderful green eyes!

She looks like a cross between Tyra Banks and Michelle Pfeiffer, mixed with Mariah, Beyonce and a whole lot of other beautiful women!

You remember that movie "Big Trouble in Little China"? The crazy old chinese villian had a thing for women with green eyes...

Whooo...

I can't find pictures of her anywhere else but here.

Lord have mercy, have mercy, have mercy, have mercy....

"Unbelievable but True..."

Are you dying to get your hands on an ipod nano, or mini? Well, if you have a slew of od CD's in reasonable condition you can trade them for an ipod! Details at this website...

http://www.hiptechblog.com/2005/12/31/trade-in-your-old-cds-for-an-ipod

I might have just enough for a nano, but I don't want one...those things don't do it for me compared to an ol' fashion MP3 player.

"Trimspa, see how deep the rabbit hole goes..."



Well, day one is done and in the can. Some people can't even make it that far.

I find it funny that the Trimspa pill is red, sort of like in "The Matrix". I guess the Blue Pill would be what?, Viagra? What kind of choice would that be like?

Okay, Neo...

Take the red pill, you lose 50 pounds, but you won't be able to "get it up" if you know what I mean...If you choose the blue pill, you'll stay big, but will have what it takes to keep your woman screaming in the bedroom! The choice is yours neo...what's it gonna be?

Hmmmm, now there's a choice...get skinny, or stay hard, guys what would you pick?

Well, aside from just buying the pills, I did some decient walking. I traveled north to a park area known as The Cloisters, where there is a medieval castle museum. The scenery up there is beautiful, I went nuts with my digital camera and I will be posting them on my Shutterblog:New York City Blog pretty soon.

When I came back from the walk I treated myself to a half of grapefruit before dinner. Lemme tell you something about grapefruit...It has an acquired taste, and I HAVEN'T acquired a taste for it yet!! BUT I'm hanging in there.

I'm not going to monitor my progress or count pounds and all that. Imma try this for a month and a half (Two bottles worth) and if I see some progress, I'll keep going.

tomorrow's a free day for once, nothing to do. Maybe I'll finally go to the movies or something.

MOM's off to Florida Thursday for a week. I gotta set something for the weekend...

2006: "It's a new day, muthaf**er!"

This year, starting today asamatterafact, I'm going to lose weight with Trimspa! Yes sir, I'm going to use those pill and go on the Grapefruit diet. I'm giving up everything that has contributed to my weight gain...

Peanut Butter
Pizza
Sodas, and sugar drinks like Kool-Aid

The only thing I'm keeping in my diet is Potatoes, I need my french fries, no matter what.

With Trimspa, water and grapefruit, I'm destinied to lose weight or fall out trying!

Wish me luck.