Wasting time with Jet

This is taken from an article in a local free entertainment guide called "The L-Book", which is the hardest thing to find north of 14th Street. The boxes are on every corner like The Village Voice, but they're always empty! Anyways, check out what fellow New Yorkers are saying about the city that never sleeps...

THE PEOPLE:

New Yorker Closet to Hell: Michael Bloomberg (The Mayor), by a landslide!

Sexiest Newscasters: Man:Matt Lauer (Today Show), Woman:Kaity Tong (WB News at 10pm.)

Best Graffitti Artist: Neckface (He's a bit overrated in my book)

Most Overexposed Celebrity: Paris Hilton (Duh.)

Best Reclusive NYC Celebrity: Woody Allen (I still see 'em at the Knick Games)

Mosst Missed New Yorker: JFK Jr. (Dude had all the money in the world and he still rollerbladed everywhere...gotta miss that.)

THE PLACES:

Best Park: Tompkins Square (I can't believe this beat Central Park!)

Fanciest Bathroom Expirence: Waldorf Astoria (Hey, George Constanza said it himself, can't go against the grain..)

Filthiest Bathrooms: Rothko (What's messed up is I'm going there next week to check out some "Hip Hop Karaoke"...pray for me.)

Best People-Watching Spot: The Union Square Steps (This is true, I don't know if the slackers and skateboarders punch a clock to sit there all day, but there're there!)

The Best Tourist thing to Do even if you're not a Tourist: Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge. (I have never done this because I'm afraid to step foot INTO Brooklyn!)

Best Street Fair: San Gennaro (Sure, Italians drink like the Irish and then jump every black man they see with a white woman, LOTS OF FUN!)

Best Building: The Chrysler Building (Only cuz it's shiny, BAH! Can it change the color of it's lights nightly?)

Best place to have Public Sex: At the Beach (Yawn, try the PATH train to Jersey City!)

THE FOOD

Best 24-Hour Eats: Veselka (Yeah, the food is great, but the lunatics you meet there at 4am!)

Best Diner: Waverly Restaurant (Never been...)

Best Burger: Shake Shack (With a name like that who can argue?)

Best Fries: Pomme Frites (I gotta look into that, stay tuned.)

Best Pizza: Grimaldi's (I'd look into this, too, but it's in brooklyn...)

FOR LOCALS ONLY

Best Train Station: Union Square (All that Alice in Wonderland decor finally gets noticed, huh?)

Worst Train Station: Canal Street (I don't see what's so bad about it...)

Best Train: The L (They say that all the time! It's the cleanest, it's always on time, blah, blah, you know why that train is so damn good, BECUASE IT GOES NOWHERE SPECIAL! It's a cross-town shuttle train in Manhattan, and then goes through the remotest places in Brooklyn and Queens, it is one of the most useless train lines in NYC!

Worst Train: The F (For Failure) (I dunno, it's helped me out in a jam or two...)

Biggest NYC Myth: New Yorkers are Mean ("Where do these assholes get this junk, huh?"...joke, :-) )

Best Parade: Yankees (Though, it HAS been a while, eh?...HA Ha Ha HA HA!)

Worst Parade: Tie Between Puerto Rican Day and St. Patrick's Day (When your breaking some fruit's jaw on the curb or ripping off skimpy tops from defenseless teenagers...you know you're on 5th Avenue!)