Wasting time with Jet

Peep This...

You Know You`re From New York City When...

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. (YEP)

You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. (Sorry, been to one, worked in the other...)

Hookers and the homeless are invisible. (Hookers?, NO, the Homeless?, Yes...)

The subway makes sense. (Got it down like Star Trek Technobabble)

You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. (Spanish, Italian, Chinese, Imma tripple threat!)

You`ve considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple". (TRUE!)

You consider Westchester "upstate". (Yep, and I've worked "UP" there...)

You think Central Park is "nature." (Closest thing to us, yeah...)

You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer`s speaking.

You`re paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it s a "steal." (I can't relate, but I understand...)

You`ve been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times. (Nah, dated chicks out there, never got lost...)

You haven`t seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid or the 2003 Black Out. (If it was fifteen, this would be right, I always find at least 10 up there...)

You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed. (Yep!)

Your closet is filled with black clothes. (And all this time it was because I was a big guy, NO!, I'm a New Yorker!!!!)

You haven`t heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you. (Hell yeah!)

You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents. (Can't relate, but I've seen it a few times...)

You take fashion seriously. (Swing and a miss!)

Being truly alone makes you nervous. (Strike Two)

You have 27 different menus next to your telephone. (Heheh, yeah, 14 are just for Pizza...)

Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip". (Yep, one I do only in an emergency...)

You`ve gotten jaywalking down to an art form. (Call me Picaso!)

Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes. (Hell Yeah!)

$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag. (For me, it's 40...)

You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories. (Replace "cab ride" with "subway/or bus" and I'm there...)

You don`t notice sirens anymore. (Sirens!!?!?!?, What Sirens?)

You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns. (YES, and three elevators a building is not enough!!!)

Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian. (Right on the NOSE!!!)

You`re suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you. (They have no right being nice, they must be up to something!!!!)

You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price. (I see no problem here...)

Your door has more than three locks. (Just three, thank you very much!)

Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it. (Damn, got me there..."HEAT")

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. ("You lookin' at me?")

You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection. (Yeah, I can't help it, I always think I can "Beat the Clock!")

You`re 35 years old and don`t have a driver`s license. (BINGO!)

You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available. (Hell yeah!, actually no, I need AC!!!)

You`re willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent. (If it came to that, yes I would...Be better than my damn mother!!!!!)

There is no North and South. It`s uptown or downtown. (Guilty, North is a movie with Bruce Willis in it, South is a type of Hip Hop Music I don't listen to...)

When you`re away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels. ("Real" Pizza?, DEFINATELY!!!)

You know the differences between all the different Ray`s Pizzas. (Doesn't everybody?!)

You`re not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year`s Eve. (Child, 9 times outta 10, I'm not even up...)

You know what a bodega is. (And it's difference from a Deli, or a Corner Store...)

You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger`s hats.

Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet..... (YES!!!)

You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas. (Same with the "Van Wyck", and "Roosevelt")

Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you. (Law & Order, pisses me off, Third Watch, meh!...Woody Allen movie..."YO! Woody, can I be an Extra!!!)

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from NYC.

You will stand outside a club or your office in the dead of winter to have a cigarette.

An iPod is a necessity. (Not the way people are getting killed for them, they ain't...)

You can fall asleep sitting/standing up on the train. (YEP!!!)

I AM A TRUE New Yorker!!!