Wasting time with Jet

Every once in awhile I like to reflect back a bit...

Still in the Wyclef mood, he also had a song called "Cheated...to all the ladies.". Now I've never cheated on a girl, but there is a long list of ladies my heart has gone out to...

To Shanna Edwards...

For making out with me in my closet every day after school before my mom came home.

To Mother's friend, Harvey's Daughter (who's name escapes me at the moment.)...

For all those times we played "House" in your room while our parents played Spades every weekend.

To Opal Robinson...

The VERY first girl to steal my heart. Your grandmother baby-sat me as a child and she always wanted us to be together, even as kids. As close as we were, running around with the other neighborhood kids, I think you knew there was something special between us. I don't know why you left the way you did...there are so many conflicting stories. Was your mother beating you?, Did you run away from home?, Did your mother send you away to your father who lived in California?, why DID you go away, and why do they say so little about you other than the fact that your're living out west...pieces of info I've gather are so mysterious. You were my FIRST true LOVE, and I actually FEAR the day I see you again...that's how much I loved you.

To Deidre...

Opal may have stolen my heart, but you were the first I GAVE it to. The only reference I can think of to describe our relationship is that we were like NEO and TRINITY. We loved each other, THAT much. I honestly don't think I would have made it through high school if it wasn't for you. Acedemically, physically, spiritully, you pushed me to go on when I reached my limits. You were the only person I let see me cry when my grandfather died. I didn't cry in the hospital, and home after the news, or at his funeral, mom thought the shock of his loss would drive me insane and wondered why I never cried, but then I took you to his gravesite, I fell to my knees and you held me in your arms as I wept quietly for over five minutes. I had never felt so vulrable, so exposed, and you comforted me during one of the worst moments in my life.

Then I lost you, and things just haven't been the same...

I still fail to see the reason why HE took you from me, maybe because it would be the only way to save my soul, that the only way I wouldn't fall into the abyss is if I had something I value the most waiting for me at the end. So that's why I haven't turned yet, he's holding you hostage for my soul and knows that I would do anything and everything to see you again, to hold you in my arms, to tell you one more time that I love you.

I WILL see you, again...I swear it.

To Sonia Yi...

For showing me the world outside the horizon. For introducing me to culture, music, and art. For my continued education in sex anf foreplay, for introducing me to erotica. I taught you english, you help me survive those annoying Business prerequiste classes at Brauch. You taught me the wonderful things I can do with my tongue and I will never forget that. We had a lot in common both being victums of car accidents, but in true culture clashing fashion, your interpetation of "Love" involved an abundence of generosity, and it came to the point where my "NEGRO PRIDE" (her words not mine...) got the best of me. I refused to be your trophy, letting you buy me whatever I wanted, so I had to do the unthinkable...I broke your heart. I wouldn't say I'm proud of what I did, it...just had to be done, and for that, I'm, NOT sorry (you read right...).

To Nefertti McNeil...

Jealousy...

It's something I had never expirenced before I met you, and something I vow never to feel again after what happened between you and I. I never thought I would actually fall for someone in the workplace, I thought I was better than that, but when you started working at the library I was in, I couldn't take my eyes away from you. And when I learned you were involved with someone else, I never felt rage like I did back then. It's one of those things that haunts me in my sleep, what I did back then. I will honor you with my story...I'll tell it the way it happened, and while people may not think I was responsible for what happened...I know I was, and for that I AM sorry.

My second season of the show will be dedicated to you.

To Jersey City (aka My Ex)...

There was a long period of downtime before I got involved with matters of the heart once again by dating you. Times had changed, technology had advanced and now there was this new crazy thing called the internet which had been around for around four or five years now, and there was the threat of Y2K around the corner. Movies like "You got Mail" taught us that MAYBE you can find your true love in cyberspace.

And that's where "Usagi" met "Lushis" (not our real Nicknames, only shortened.) on TalkCity through WebTV. A cashier working after school in a supermarket, and a temp working Lockbox for Chase Bank in early 1999. We talked all into the wee hours, online and on the phone...and then started dating on the regular. I treated you like royalty. We went everywhere...you were even the Very first girl I brought home to introduce to the family. Not even the girl I was ready to MARRY had that honor! ALL my past relationships had been a secret (Hell, mom probably believed I was still a virgin...), and then I introduced them to you. My mother was nice, but she had this insane theory that I was getting involved with someone only to compete with my sister who had just given birth to her only grandchild. She thought I was jealous and trying to get deeply involved with someone, ANYone just to "catch up" to my sister. She tried to warn me about you, but I didn't listen...Her theory was abusrd of course, but she did have good intentions warning me not to get too deep, but I didn't listen. Things went so fast and soon we became lovers. It had been so long since, but you didn't complain, soon we were like rabbits, I guess we did go too fast too soon, intimicy soon turnned to isolation when you started college in the fall, and all of the sudden, I became a liability. In the time thereafter you admitted there was no one else waiting for you that you needed space to work on your studies, and part of me wants to believe that...BUT I knew better. When it comes to college, there's always the next man right around the corner, and me playing the role of long distance boyfriend "back home" (where in fact it was right here in the city!), I knew it was only a matter of time.

A lesser man would feel PLAY'D...I wined and dined you with my money, and you fucked me out of pity, again, and again, and again...

What pains me is you probably did it out of obligation, and if that was the way you felt, I wish you hadn't done it at all...I rathered you spend my money and treat me like shit, just like any other woman would probably do out there...but when we had sex, it was because I thought you loved me, because I loved you (damn, you.).

I may have not shed a tear for you, but I almost wish I could, because the feeling you left inside me...I wouldn't wish on ANYone.

I can truly say because of you, I may never treat a woman the way my heart wishes to, because, the in back of my mind, I will always compare them to you.

You broke the heart of the last romantic person in New York City. I hope you're happy where ever you call home.

Part 2 coming soon...