Wasting time with Jet

YOU WOULD NEVER believe what has happened to me this weekend!!!!

I wake up saturday morning I feel a lil tickle on my leg. I think it's indy's tail brushing up on me or something...I stir up and see a big red dot with legs WALKING away from me! I squash it immedately and it explodes in a pool of red blood. I can't imagine what the hell that was untill...

I jump out of bed head towards the kitchen, grab a flashlight and come back to my room. I get all "CSI" on my bed checking the corners, underneath, I then flipped the half of bed open as if it was going back into a sofa and in the hollow bottom compartment I saw them...

BEDBUGS!

MUTHAFUCKIN' BED BUGS!!!!

Within seconds I went into "Outbreak" mode. I put the couch pillows in garbage bags then took them out to the hallway garbage chute. I took off the coverings and tied them into a another garbage bag and threw it in. I chopped up the stuffing foam and bagged that tightly and also put it in the chute. I came back in the house grabbed two scarfs, put on my head and one around my mouth, I looked like a crypt (To those at home, that's a gang member...).

MOM wakes up and looks at me as if I'm some madman as I go digging in the closets for old shower curtains...

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I gotta throw away the couch...it's got bugs."

"EW, Wha, like termites?"

I give her this crazy look then fish out an old green shower curtain from 3 summers ago...

"Wait!, what are you doing!...you can't do this now..." she yells.

"Why!!!?"

"Because it's 9am in the morning, you know how many people are in the elevators now?...you're gonna have to wait till tonight to take that thing down..."

"SHIT!" I thought...she was right.

I went back to my room and separated my bed from everything else and then detached the 3 pieces and lined them up on the wall.

I had this damn couch bed for over 5 years, I brought it from a rare italian furnature place that is now out of business, no one possibly make beds like this anymore.

HOW THE FUCK DID BEDBUGS get in my house!?!?!?

I just heard a story how they were making a comeback everywhere in New York...people getting bitten while they're sleeping....UGGGGHHH!! I tried to settle down, but thinking of those bastards crawling around on my bed in my room unsettled the shit out of me.

I went online and found a pest control store near me, I took off my scarfs and put on my shoes and went out. The dude sold me a 25.00 spray that kills them, but I needed more...

"I'm gonna need a BOMB." I said.

He hooked me up with a 7.00 "hiroshima" room evacuator.

I wasn't fuckin playing!

I came back home, put on my scarfs and worked those damn bloodsuckers with the spray.

I waited patently the rest of the day...watch the rain pour down off and on...MOM went to pick up baby girl and take her out to Burger King for dinner. At 7pm, I started with the most "infected" part, the base. I wrapped it with 2 shower curtains tied garbage bags over each end and handled the whole thing with gloves. The trip down I didn't run into anybody as I left it at the designated site next to the incinerator. I waited a half hour or so after that because I knew I was lucky...

MOM came back with my Niece and some fries for me. "Star Wars Episode 3:Revenge of the Sith" was premering on HBO tonight...any other day this would have been a cool day, even with the rain, but all I could think about was those bugs...

At 8:45, I started on the first piece of the "Matress/Couch". I was out of shower curtains so I used more garbage bags tied with twine. My niece wanted to help as much as I kept her away from me so she held the doors open for me as I made my way to the elevator.

This time, I had to let two cars go by as they were full (Where the HELL all these people goin in the rain!!!), then a third one came empty. There were some people in the lobby that gave me a couple of glances, but I just ignored them and went on my business.

I then came back and did the last piece...there was a graduatiton party going on down the hall some smart ass came across and asked me...

"Yo, what's that?"

I told him, "A body! and there's more room where's he's going! You wanna join 'em!?"

Their faces went white and they went pass me and took the stairs, guess in my neighborhood it could be true...

The whole thing was done by 9:30am, I put indy in his carrier (Cuz he doesn't like the mop or the broom) and went through the room getting rid of any eggs or dead ones that could be around. I was almost convinced I was safe, but there was one last thing to do...

We waited till the rain stopped for a bit and went out on the terrace, it was the only place I trusted. I put a beach towel under a chair as mom fished out the equipment.

"You sure you wanna do this?" she asked.

"It's the only way to be sure, just do it and get it over with..."

"Okay." she said, I could tell she was holding back a giggle.

Back in the day, mom tried to save money but cutting my own hair. She was never good at it, but there's always one good cut everyone is good at...

She shaved my whole head...bald...cue ball central.

Afterwards we collected the hair and burned it in a trash can...taking no chances.

GOD, this has got to be the worst day in quite a while...

I dug out mom's guest air mattress and plugged it in to inflate. I plan to bomb the whole room before buying a new bed.

Till then, I can put off going anywhere but work and trying to be social for a few weeks till my hair grows back.

BED BUGS, what could be worst!?!?!?!