Wasting time with Jet

My life
Is in the arms of the man upstairs
Through trials and tribulations
He'll always be there
You see I know he loves me
And I know he cares
And he'll bever put more on me
Than I can bear



Been listening to a lot of music to calm my mind and soul...

I see myself staring down the barrel of an immaginary Desert Eagle pointed at my temple and I feel calm, no fear, no pain, no, nothing.

Don't get scared ya'll cuz I'm not talking suicide here, just TIME...catching up to me...and I have to find that answer to Life's big question...

"What the fuck are you going to do with your life now?"

I've recieved suggestions and ideas from everyone...

Mom wants me to go to college again, but how will I make money to pay my half of the rent? In the search of more friends (And possibily a new BEST friend), I've been told to look into mentoring or volunteering with kids, teenagers, or even young-adults. Sounds good, but I don't really socialize that well, I'm not too fond of children, I have low-tolerence for people that understand me, as well as I'm hard to convey things to in the first place. I tried getting my mom to look at my flickr site for my pics from Miami and you would have thought I was speaking japanese to her. I'm just not that "Hellen Keller/Miracle Worker" type, man...I don't have the patence to work with the Dumb, Deaf and Blind!

So what else is there?...find something stable.

Book Store?, Library again, gotta keep the dream alive, right.

Seeing what IRENE is going through with her thing makes me think about keeping-on, keeping on with my life.

I just need a sense of direction.

Today was the last day of the Deutsche Bank Assignment, at least for now.

I was offered a position back in Seacacus till the next assignment, but the thought of a two-fare coummute to the middle of nowhere just didn't appeal to me.

I still got my Unemployment (Which now I can claim, guilt free now), but now my credit cards are a bit maxed again. And here I am saying I wouldn't charge a thing till Playstation 3...

Plus, I got other shit catching up to me I haven't mentioned in this blog...

Something's going to happen soon, something big...

SO, this is why I should pull the plug...

...But I can't.

I can't let this blog die, not just yet.

I want to move on past my personal shit and just fill this damn thing up with so much of the maddness inside my head...

it scares whoever reads it.

Litterature, theories, opinions, sexual exploits, fantasies, I wanna write a blog entry, so deep, so provocatitve and then say it was all a lie in the next post! I wanna do some crazy, Mind-of-Mencina, Dave Chappelle, Howard Stern, 1st Ammendment-stretching Bullshit that'll really blow people's minds.

So for the moment...it's not over...just on hiatus...again.

I really hate good-byes, I just don't know how to go through with them...

I don't know when I'll be back...

In the words of Captain Sisko,

"Maybe in a year, or maybe...yesterday, But I WILL be back."

Rumor has it if a blog has not been updated in 90 days it'll be deleted, if that becomes the case, I want ya'll to just think of me once in awhile and just smile...



I been weak and I been strong
I been through the fire, I been through the storm
Try to do right and I know I do wrong
Just be happy for me when my life is gone
Cause no more hurt and no more tears
There'll be no more pain and no more fears
No more people in my face that's not sincere
So smile 4 me when I'm no longer here