Wasting time with Jet

My mom comes up to me and says "I know what I want for Christmas!" in which I reply, "Well, your birthday is first lets get it then."

Her birthday's the 24th (Which 9 times outta 10 falls around Turkey-Day) with Psycho-Lesbo-Sis on the 29th.

Annnyhoo...MOM stuffs a Target flyer in my face and point to...



THIS SILLY Thing!

...A Pagoda Portable Indoor Fireplace with Bench.

Yeah, for those snobby people that live in an APARTMENT but wanna feel like they live in a HOUSE...

I could just see this thing in our cluttered up living room now...

Hell, I can get a Bearskin Rug and lay it down in front for a REAL romantic feel, (Oh, Boy!).

"WHAT is your fascination with FIRE?" I asked her...

"SCENTED CANDLES, Oil Lamps, now FIREPLACES?!, What next a FONDUE set?, You're gonna burn the place down!"

"SHUT UP, I just want it! PAT upstairs has one, I always ask her to put a log in so I can see it work and she never does..." MOM said referring to Cousin Pat who drives MOM out to Jersey sometimes.

Now, normally, I buy whatever she wanted right off the bat, but TARGET is still unfamiliar to us Manhattaners. The nearest on is up in the Bronx on 225th Street and by Target Standards, it sucks! Nothing is there even if it's advertised in the flyer. I heard there's one in Brooklyn and far out in Queens.

I decided to do some research online and it turns out, the fireplace is a piece of shit. Customer reviews say it rusts easily, REAL easily. True, none of the people had theirs in an apartment (They used it outdoor for Mock Camping trips in the Backyard?) I was sure it'd be a waste of time and travel.

I showed mom the reviews and she seemed crushed yet relieved...I'm sure she'll like whatever I get her better than some corny flammable pyramid.