Wasting time with Jet

I first want to say....I AM HIV NEGATIVE!!!!!!!

Goddamn that feels good to say, WHEW!

No virus, nothing, nada, bubkis!

Jack jumped over the candlestick twice and his ass STILL ain't get BURNED!

Now that that's off my chest, back to reality...

On a whim, I finally decided to finally visit a Men's Clinic for HIV & STD testing.

For walk ins you can go Mondays 4-8pm or Fridays 8-12 & 1-5.

I arrived at 3:45pm and was given Ticket number 7 (Lucky number 7?). At 4pm, they finally started calling numbers, when they got to me, I was given a slew of paperwork to fill out.

Afterwards I waited for awhile and then got called to speak with a counselor for a bit, asking me why I'm getting the test, what do I know, blah, blah, blah...I then had to sign some waver claiming I won't do anything to someone else or myself if I come up Positive. Then I was sent back to the waiting room again, it was going on 6:30pm when I finally got called for give my "sample", then they did the HIV test which would give them the results right away (Wow!, I thought you had to wait, they can get the results right away!) which was just a fingertip prick and I was done.

I waited some more, and was called up to PAY 27 dollars for my visit (I thought all this shit was free?!?!?!) and told to wait some more for my results. I didn't get called till 7:30 (Having spent THREE HOURS in the same place!) when the doctor decided to give me a FULL physical on the spot.

This was WAY unexpected, they got me on the scale, takin my blood pressure and all that...and that's when the doctor breaks it down for me. I'm in general good shape, but I'm a bit big, this and that, yadda, yadda, yadda...it's something I gotta work on.

THEN it gets a bit personal...

She wants to examine the Family Jewels, and after further examination...there's something there that isn't right. It's like in "Goldmember" when Dr. Evil get hit in the nuts...

"All right, let me find my balls, for God's sakes. 1, 2... and 3, okay; I'm okay"

I had a...Three.

Not knowing the anatomy well, I jus thought it was a bone or something...

It's small and hard, like a marble.

It might be cyst.

In the WORST possible place EVER!

They wanna do a sonogram...geez.

I told them I'm in-between insurances right now and it would have to wait till I get on JPMorganChase's good side. But then what? They gonna haveta do SOMEthing...

Ewwwwww...

So with that scary news in my head, the doctor FINALLY tells me I'm HIV Negative and Protective Sex is the best way to stay like that. I get instructions to come back on the 20th for the rest of my results (Cholesterol, blood sugar level, more headaches!) and I was finally done at 8:15pm!

What a way to spend the damn afternoon!

Oh, well, at least I can assure "Leeloo" that I'm clean when we finally "Do that Dance", I may be a bit optimistic thou, who know?!?!?