Wasting time with Jet

2007's Biggest Summer Blockbuster has finally arrived and led up to all the hype!

HOWever!...the movie is not without a few kinks, dings, or all out DENTS in the opinion of THIS hardcore fan.

If you haven't seen the movie by now you either have no kids of your own or were never into the cartoon when you were a kid yourself so this post will not make too much sense...

But me being the LIBRA that I am, I'm gonna break things down from both sides and see if anyone agrees

So, without further adieu, here's my view of what went RIGHT and WRONG with TRANSFORMERS!

NUMBER ONE:Optimus Prime's beginning narration.

From the second you hear it, you wanna cheer as if Michael Jordan jus made the game winning 3-pointer at the buzzer. Some actually did at my second viewing! The first 5 minutes alone sets the stage and explains the entire plot so it's so simple even a Film Critic (the closest thing to resemble the numbing sub-intelligence of an ape) can understand it.

Second:Starting the party with a BANG!

Michael Bay has a track record for explosive beginnings, so it was no surprise moments after we were introduced to United States's bravest heroes that SHIT STARTED BLOWING UP! Blackout's (The Helicopter) attack on the base was CRAZY! From that glass-shattering sonic boom till the flash at the end where you thought he took out EVERYone Predator-style (How those soldiers survived is still a mystery to me! At first I was like "Well, Tyrese's part was MAD short!...LOL!")

Next, THE CAST (Human Cast...)

Shia LaBeouf (Yeah, I finally looked up his name...) did this role justice. Lotta fans were angry and confused that his name was "SAM" rather than "SPIKE" in the movie but that WAS his original name, spike was only a nickname, just like his father was know as "SPARKPLUG", back in the day everyone tripped, because even in the comic book, Spike/Sam was also known as Buster, but then later on they introduced Spike and he became a headmaster, yadda, yadda, yadda...it's a confusing process like the Two Becky's in "Roseanne"...ANYhoo...Sam Witwicky came off like a geek at first, doing everything he could to get that FIRST CAR only to grow-up overnight as humanity's last savior. He took it in stride and humor ("I brought a car and it turned out to be an alien, who knew?"...classic line) all while drooling over the girl of his dreams and dealing with geekiest parents this side of "Leave it to Beaver". This kid's got the Tom Cruise Mojo thing working for him and every part he seems to get turns to gold somehow...no wonder he's taken on the role of a lifetime as the SON of Indiana Jones, look for him next summer to steal the spotlight once again...

Megan Fox...Talk about Eye-yi-yi-yi-YI! Candy! Where did they find this vixen?!?...I heard this is her second movie after being in one of Linsey Lohan's recycled, disney-channel-churned, pieces of crap. Fox is a FOX with killer abs and a tough-guy/tomboy-yet-sensitive side that made her MORE than the typical action-movie cardboard cutout that was easy on the eyes but had few lines.

Tyrese and Josh Duhamel...Can't be an Alien Movie without the army now can it? In all honesty, I think Tyrese got this role because LL Cool J was busy...BUT it could have been his portrayal in "Annapolis" that got it, could be, could be...They were cool in the movie thou, gave the film realism and that "Heart" or "Spirit" every action movie needs...Josh wanting to go home and see his kid...Tyrese taunting the machines...and I think his line's growing into the Summer's new catch-phrase..."Bring the Rain". On a technical viewpoint, it was cool showing how soldiers mark Bombing targets on the ground using laser sights, that whole process was very insightful.

Supportive Cast...The British cryptographer, Jon Voight, Anthony Anderson were all cool..I have to say, thou...John Turturro is morphing into Al Pacino. Al is getting older nowadays, so as HE gets older, Turturro starts resembling a younger/middle aged Pacino and it's freaking SCARY! Turturro also gets points for his role in this movie, as small as it was, His government conspiracy agent character stands out among the rest of the military brass.

The ROBOTS...wow, I never thought CGI would get THIS good...naturally everyone had to look up and use their imaginations when filming, the interactions between humans and robots...never looked so real. Seeing SAM getting grabbed in midair by an Autobot like a baseball player fielding a pop fly...Michael Bay makes you wonder if there REALLY are a few 20ft robot extras hidden away in storage. Even seeing something minor like Megatron FLICKING away a person like an ant displaying his disgust and contempt for humans you can't help to think back to the classics like "Jurassic Park" when all that Dinosaur stuff was just the tip of the iceberg...the steps we have advanced to in cinematic technology...magnificent!


Okay, okay, enough the praise! If to ERR if Human, then Robots these guys ain't! Here's how the movie went off the mark a lil...

#1:The Humor.

Every action movie DOES have light moments to break the tension, but I think I speak for EVERYONE who saw the movie when I say we DID NOT need a PSA about how to deal with Teenage Masturbation!...Both reactions from The Father (Kevin Dunn) and Sam are priceless, and I guess it was funny because it came outta left field the first time, but OH GOD, the 2nd time I saw it, I could just count the seconds. THE whole segment of the Autobots at the SAM's house was silly, big ass robots trying to hide outside the house and not being seen...Even hearing Optimus saying "My Bad" all awkward was more torture than getting a tooth pulled. THEN there was "FRENZY" (The Radio...not be confused with SOUNDWAVE, I hear they're bring him in for Part 2), I read somewhere that even thou no one thought it was possible, Michael Bay created a CGI character more annoying than Jar Jar Binks, this might be true. A vicious as he was, he was also goofy...the most annoying scene in the whole entire movie is when he is sneaking out of Air Force One and TIPTOES past the police while trying to hide his face...sure, it probably got some laughs, but come on! And then his VOICE! He sounded like an angry old man speaking Cantonese, an evil messed up version of R2-D2's Bleeps and Bloops. In the spirit of spreading the blame, Josh Duhamel trying to call the Pentagon in the middle of a gunfight, needing a credit card (Left Cheek!, Left Cheek!), and rejecting offers from a smart-ass operator for service packages was too crazy to believe...The only humor that was welcomed was Anthony Anderson's small bit as a super-hacker. Seeing his cousin break though a glass screen door as the FBI came in and raided the place was hysterical (Hell, I'd do the same thing! Who has time to find the damn handle when you got mere seconds to react!) and his bit about the interrogation tactics and breaking down babbling about downloading music, that had me in stitches. The little "Tooth Fairy" girl and the guy filming the Autobots arriving ("This is 10 times better than "Armageddon"!") were also comedic gems.

Basically, it was a game of hit and miss with jokes, they jus didn't have to overdo it.

The Autobots learning the english language through the internet was a bit of a stretch...

Optimus's simple answer:"eBay" almost made me think of Product Placement!

This movie has a bit too many dated cultural references that will place it in the early 2000's if some were taken out the movie could have been revered as a timeless gem to be respected for years to come. (Like 20 years from now eBay will still exist!)

OKAY, Number TWO...the swipes at Comic Book Movies.

There were a lot of sight gags, and lines addressing the abundance of Comic-Book Superhero Movies...Haternation aside I thought they were a bit goofy and excessive...

*John Tuturro's Super, er Ahem SECTOR 7 undershirt.

*Tyrese and Anthony Anderson's Freddy/Wolverine Wall Slashes remark.

*The fact that Megatron's Captivity by the government was codenamed "ICEMAN"

*Tuturro's name (Simmons) and the fact he works for a secret Government Agency (Can you say SPAWN?)

I'm sure there's more, I jus can't remember them...Maybe even SAM'S friend climbing that tree and hanging upside down could be a Spider-Man joke (Sam says "You're so lame, so lame! Why would you do that!?")

And finally, I think the last and main gripe of the movie was the final fight between Prime and Megatron...it was too quick and they cut to the other battles and chases. Megatron alone had about 20 minutes screen time after he got thawed out. Don't get me wrong, the fight was good, but it could have been better...

In the end thou, the movie did it's fans proud. It's up there with the first "Mortal Kombat" when it comes to Movie Adaptions. I realize it was no small task to appease everyone but they did it. Time will only tell if the movie gets the Props it DAMN well deserves.