"You know, you've got this.. fantasy in your head about gettin outta the life and, settin the corporate world on its ear...
What the FUCK you gonna do except hustle?"
It is over, before it began.
Hey, I know it's been awhile...what can I say?
Once again, I'm seriously thinking of walking away from all this.
I don't know if I can keep on rattling on disappointment after disappointment.
Within the next 2 years, something drastic has to happen or...
*sigh*...I don't even know anymore.
Anyway, I finally went to see the admissions counselor to do my Financial Aid and it turns out, that for a single, male, over the age of 25...I made enough money in 2006 to pay for college WITHOUT any help from the government.
THAT'S A BIG FAT ZERO.
Nada
Nilch
Bubkes
"Ya' on yer own, sport!"
So what other options were there?
Stafford Loans, some other loan, and a Salle Mae Loan which my credit wasn't good enough to qualify for without a co-signer.
THIS mind you all calculating for the FIRST TWO semesters/One Year and then come next year I'd have to apply again and depending on if I made MORE or LESS money THIS year compared to last, I'd probably get denied again and HAVE to take out MORE loans...
I mean, we're talking 32,000-38,000 dollars in loans here.
That
Is
A
Big
Hole.
The school is a nice institution, something I could have used back in '93 when I was fresh outta High School, but now...
I can't do it.
Even with a promise of a high-paying job, I'm not going Balls Deep into Debt without ANY fucking help from...
I told the guy, I'd talk to my mom about co-signing the Salle Mae loan, but I knew right there and then I wasn't coming back.
I went back home, brought a medium pizza from Dominoes and sulked the rest of the day away...
Guess it was a good thing I never took the tour of the school...it doesn't hurt that much.
When I told MOM the news she couldn't help to point out that this was The Second time I tried to go back and got caught up in the money aspect. I had forgotten all about the Chubb Institute...
She can REALLY kick someone when their down...
*sigh*
It looked good in the beginning, but as it drew closer I jus didn't see it happening anyway.
Like LUKE and YODA in 'Empire'...
"I Don't...I don't believe it!"
"That...Is why you Fail."
Switch it over to Ving Rhames in 'Pulp Fiction'
"WHAT NOW?, I tell ya What Now?"...
I've counted 382 hours so far working on this job since May, 500 and I'm on the payroll. That won't get me a raise, but at least I'll get paid holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas), so 120 or so hours at 35 a week adds up to about one more month, end of September or Early October at the latest. Then I got a 3 month Probation Period, if that goes good I become legit and get my first raise, then we talk Yearly Reviews which lead to a raise each year depending on performance.
I stick it out and see what's what, god forbid.
MOM's getting older and getting pissed with her job and I'm starting to see some gray hairs at the sides of her temples...
All she wants to do is quit her job, take care of kids at home and wait for Social Security to kick in at 60(?).
As much as we're dependent on each other, I'm starting to realize it'd be better if I just leave her to enjoy her final years stress free without me.
I'll be 32 next year and my life just has no meaning...
I'm as hopeless and unobjective as I was after High School.
I jus gotta live things Day to Day...
I leave now, quoting the everlasting wisdom of Marge Simpson...
"Aim low, kids...So low no one will notice it when you fail, if you're looking for butter it's underneath my face."
Comments
6 Comments:
At 1:30 PM,
ac said…
I'm so sorry. ... a totally inadequate expression of how bad I feel for you, but it's all I can think of to say. hugs! ac
At 5:33 PM,
kimmyk said…
look for grants online.
there's gotta be something somewhere.
don't give up.
seriously.
i'm sorry you're bummin'...i wish i could help.
At 5:36 PM,
Les said…
Grants can't help, I'm jus not POOR enough! (Well, okay that was harsh, but get what I'm saying...) I'm sorry...it's flatlined...time to call Time of Death...
At 9:15 PM,
Firestarter5 said…
Live by my motto:
Expect nothing and you'll never be disappointed.
At 10:51 PM,
Ladyred said…
Welcome to my world.
I know you don't want to hear this, but $30K is not that much. I'm in triple digits, and I will only have a bachelor's. I won't even be a doctor to pay that shit off before I'm in the ground.
But I don't care. I will get my piece of paper and move on.
I actually had to QUIT my job to get money, but it was a little too late. Grants are no where near enough. Scholarships you have to compete for.
Have you tried www.fastweb.com? I think that's the place.
You know, I have been where you have. The first two times I was told I don't qualify I gave up. But then I realized I won't get far without this. And I want this. I was laid off from my job and figured that that was a sign. I hated living with my parents, but it won't be forever. Now, I'm living off of loans (well they are running out fast) and working part time while I live alone (for the FIRST time and without a full time job!) and finish this degree. I don't want to be in this debt but you know what? I will eventually pay it. And if not. Well I will be dead anyway. Can't get blood out of a turnip!
But you HAVE options. You are just choosing one of them. And that's not to go with loans. It's not the end. I applaud you that you choose to be debt free, but there are things in life that require SOME debt and as long as you make your payments on time when you are done, you will be okay. Student loan payments are low as well as the interest.
But, you do have a choice. I know you feel like it's the end of the world but it isn't. If you can get someone to co-sign, then why not? You sound like you are a responsible person. You wouldn't default on it and leave your co-signor in jam.
Whether you choose to keep blogging or not is another choice. But I think this helps (at least me anyway) when I need to vent, or somewhere to put my thoughts that I can't share anywhere else. Plus it helps when people out there give me that "you'll be ok" or who can relate even minutely by sharing their stories. You have more to share than just disappointments. Just maybe right now there are more of those than the good things. But it will all balance out.
If there is one thing I can pass on, it's not to give up. Don't ever give up. If you can't take one road, then go down the other. To me giving up, is like laying down and dying. I myself would like to live. It's painful, but it won't be that way forever.
I know this is so long and stuff. I just can so relate to where you are. I've felt the feelings that you are experiencing. So I thought I would share.
At 12:30 AM,
yorlor said…
jet-
i stopped by to catch up on the lady drama and was compelled to chime in. i'm not sure what degree you were going for or how much college you have under your belt at this time. as a girl with a rediculous amount of debt i feel for you not wanting to climb into the hole it causes.
is there a city college option? aka: here in chi-town you can go to an accredited city college and go full time for under $1200-1500 a semester to complete much needed pre-requisites for the big-time prissy-pricey universities. as long as you keep your grades up and are in good standing with your professors, you can usually transfer into the big-time... i'm just agreeing with ladyred [way to go, chica!] that there are options, and as the DeVry commercial says "3 years may seem like a long time, but where are you going to be in 3 years if you don't?"
alternatively, cut back on your spending and sock that cash away.
Post a Comment
<< Home